Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
