A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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