the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
