I think I died a long time ago.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
