Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
