this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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