If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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