if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
