I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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