Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
