dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
