Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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