we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
