I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
