i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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