Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
