just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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