i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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