Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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