I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
