Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
