i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
