fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
