guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
