2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
