Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
