wanna go halves on a baby?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
