I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The adults are the big ones right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
