she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
