Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
