Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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