its not stalking. its research.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
