i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
