I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
sex in a hospital.. check
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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