just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
