i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
