Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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