I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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