So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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