Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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