I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
