whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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