why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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