Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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