very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
40s are totally the cure
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
