I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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