Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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