You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
