I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
