I must be too annoying 4 u.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
