ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
