i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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