i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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