that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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