guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
