i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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