yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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