Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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