Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
