thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
