i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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