garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can text with my tongue
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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