Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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