really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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