i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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