Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
