Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
