It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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